Why Holding Space Isn’t Enough when Working with a Grieving Client

When my mom died, I didn’t get a handout.

I didn’t get a script, a five-step checklist, or a cute printable journal prompt. I got a wave of emotions that made me feel like I was drowning, and a world that didn’t know what to do with a grieving 14-year-old.

Later, when I became a therapist, I promised myself I’d offer something real for the clients who walked into my office after someone in their life died. But I quickly realized how limited the tools were. Most of what I found felt flat, overly clinical, or just... not helpful.

Even now, when I search online for grief resources “for therapists,” I still see the same staged models, generic affirmations, and overly simplified exercises that don’t capture what grief really is—complex, ongoing, and deeply personal.

What Makes a Grief Resource Actually Help?

Grief isn’t something you fix, and it doesn’t follow a neat formula. So why are so many grief tools trying to do just that?

Over the years—both from my clients and my own experience—I’ve learned that the most helpful grief tools are the ones that:

Honor the relationship – They center the bond with the person who died, not just the emotions.

Leave space for the mess – They don’t rush the process or assume grief has a timeline.

Recognize trauma – Especially if the death was sudden, violent, or witnessed.

Provide structure without rigidity – Grief can be disorienting. Good tools help re-ground us.

They’re not meant to “solve” grief. They’re intended to support the person carrying it.

We Need More Than Just Holding Space

Yes, holding space matters. But I’ve worked with too many therapists who stop there because they were never taught what comes next.

No roadmap. No structure. No confidence that they’re actually helping.

And the truth is: you can help—more than you think.

That’s why I created a free workshop:

The Grief Toolbox: 5 Tools You Can Use Today.

This isn’t a theoretical training. It’s real, practical, grounded in lived experience, mine and my clients’, and designed to give you tools that work whether you’ve been in the field for 2 years or 20.

If You’ve Ever Thought:

“I want to do more than listen, but I don’t know what else to do.”

“My client is grieving, but I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing.”

“I never learned this in grad school.”

You’re not alone. And you’re exactly who this training is for.

Sign up for the Training: Grief Case Conceptualization — From Intake to Treatment

Grief Case Conceptualization: From Intake to Treatment is an on-demand course through EngagedMinds Continuing Education.

You’ll learn how to assess and conceptualize grief from the very first session, and develop treatment plans that are both compassionate and clinically grounded.

Registration Link: https://erenadigonis.ce-go.com/courses/grief-case-conceptualization-from-intake-to-treatment

Because grief deserves more than outdated stages and awkward silences.